ELIZAISMS (and a few Hannahisms)

Dates are included where available.



















Hot Water Bottle

Poochie (derivation unknown)





Remote Control

Remoke Lontrol



Ellen showed Eliza a picture of Hillary Clinton.
ELLEN: Do you know who she is?
ELIZA: Yes, she lives in the White House with O.J. Simpson. He was bad but now he learned to be nice.

4/93, Alex Trebek asked a question on Jeopardy, and Eliza (who was two at the time) replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"

9/93: To her Pez dispenser, after the candy sprung out: "I told you to hold this!"

To her grandparents, when they were leaving: "Thank you for going!"

"I don't have has much candy has Hannah!"

To her grandmother: "I want you to live high close."

HANNAH: Did you miss me, Eliza?
ELIZA: Yes, I missed you so hard.

"Dad, don't bust yourself up because you're so tired."

9/94: "If I eat a banana, then can I have a tollbooth?" (She was talking about a Devil Dog.)

"Daddy, don't be laid at work." (Her abbreviation for being laid off.)

"Can I do it all the day?"

When she was 4: "I don't know what to do with my life."

8/14/97: Eliza was playing with the nanopet and started talking about poopies.
ALAN: Eliza, why do you like to talk so much about poopies?
ELIZA: I don't know. That's how I live.

Dotty hugs Eliza, and Eliza says, "That hug was too tight for my body."

4/95: "I want a kid. I want a big family, a brother and a sister. I'm tired of the one I have."

On the phone, she would say, "Hello, soup!" to everyone.

Hannah was on the treadmill and Eliza was playing with this big Gurdyball (a fairly large ball). It hit the end of the treadmill and got sucked right under it. The end of the treadmill went up, Hannah was thrown off, the treadmill was up on end, and Eliza knew what she'd done. She was shaking uncontrollably, which had never happened to her before, and she said, "My body's wigglin'!"

She saw a wishing star at night, and said, "Starlight, starbright, first star I see tonight, I wish for good food always, but no lobster."

"I have a new treasure box. And I want you to get me chocolates, diamonds, or cut-out heads."

ELLEN: Do you believe in God?
ELLEN: What is God?
ELIZA: It's my Destiny. It's Life.

"I thought he was going to die, but he was just getting Chinese Food."

3/9/97: Eliza wrote the following list for school entitled "Things I Care About":

  1. Loving

  2. My Fluffys
  3. Not Being Mean
  4. Love to Clean my House
  5. Resting
  6. Myself
  7. Picking Flowers
  8. Watching TV
  9. Wood

3/20/97: Eliza was giggling and cuddly as she got into bed, and when asked why, replied gleefully, "I get to sleep with ME!"

"The new house is going to change my life."

8/14/97: Eliza was painting a rock for Ellen's birthday, and it was sticking to the newspaper underneath as she was trying to lift it off. She said, "Oh, no, this can't happen to me!"

8/9/97: Eliza sleepwalked. Alan was standing in the door, and she told him to shut the door. He closed her door, and she said, "Not THAT door!" "You mean this door?" Alan said, indicating the window. "Yeah," she replied.

"Then why does she have so much melanin?"

In a hotel on 8/6/97: "Don't worry, the maidens will clean it."

"I wanna raise a flap!"

In the car on 11/20/97:
A discussion between Hannah and Eliza ensued on whether or not Mermaids are real (Eliza insisting that they are, Hannah taking the contrary view).
Eliza: Yes, they are real, I heard about them on the news on Channel 2. [note: Channel 2 in Boston is PBS.]
Hannah: There is no news on Channel 2.
Eliza: Yes there is, there's the News Hour with Jim Lehrer.

Eliza: No, "but" has two Ts.

Eliza: (about pea soup) I don't like it, it doesn't look good. I only like soup that appeals to me.

Eliza: (about chicken soup) I made the chicken soup. Except for the chicken and the soup part.

Hannah: She was barely audible!
Ellen: Would you talk like a kid?

Hannah: The tomato sitting on top of the lettuce looks very picturesque.

Sept. 19th, 1998: Eliza was looking at a picture of Clinton (a close-up in the Boston Globe). And she said, "This is disgusting, look at his nostrils. Look at all those bumps on his nose. I wouldn't want to have a sexual relationship."

It was early in the morning one weekday. Hannah came into the kitchen (earlier than usual) and said, "Gues what? There's no school!" Eliza stumbled in, blinking, and Hannah repeated that there was no school today. Eliza's mouth opened wide in surprise, and she said, "'Cuz it's so dark?"

Hannah and Eliza were taken by Grandma and Grandma to an IMAX movie. Eliza hated it and kept her eyes closed for the entire duration of the film. When it was over, and they were filing out, Eliza remarked, "Well, that was quite unpleasant."

Alan was going to take the girls skiing, but was having some back pain. Later that day, he decided he was well enough to go. Hannah warned that maybe he shouldn't go, because it might make his back worse again. Eliza, who clearly wanted to go, said, "Hannah, stop trying to predict other bodies."

In the car, Eliza turned to Hannah and said, "You can put your finger in me if you want to."
Hannah (incredulously): In where?
Eliza: In my nose!
Hannah: Eliza, I don't want to put my finger in your nose.
Eliza: I know. I'm just saying you can if you want to.

March 19th, 1999: The family had just gone to see a high school production of the musical "Fame." Eliza, somehow confused about what they had just seen, said in response to a phone call asking where they'd been, said, "We just got back from the movie."

Alan and Ellen were quizzing Eliza about Abraham Lincoln (and visa-versa). Eliza asked, "What house did Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd move to after they got married?" Alan and Ellen gave up, and Eliza answered, "The House of Representatives."

Then they asked Eliza why Abraham Lincoln had a beard. She answered quickly, "A little girl sent him a letter called the Gettysburg Address, which talked about the beard, and blah blah blah, and then some more about the beard."

Hannah was having a sleepover, and Eliza wanted one too. When she was told that no, she could not have a sleepover that weekend, she became upset.
"Hannah has had a million sleepovers, and I haven't had any," she cried.
"No, said Alan, "Hannah has had twelve sleepovers, and you've had three."
"No," Eliza retorted, "Hannah's had a THOUSAND MILLION sleepovers!"
"Hannah hasn't even been alive for a thousand million days," Alan replied.
"Yes," Eliza shot back, "but on SOME of those sleepovers, there was more than one kid!"

One day, Eliza said, "I'm cold."
Hannah rubbed Eliza's back and said "There, you're not cold anymore."
Eliza curtly informed her, "Hannah, I'm still cold. You can't boss my body." (Spring, 1999)

Alan was in Eliza's bedroom and he said, "We should hang some new things on your wall."
Eliza replied, "I don't want to hang anything more on my walls, my room's getting overdue." (Spring, 1999)

Eliza gave Alan some bath salts for Father's Day. The fine print on the bath salts read, "Can make bathtub slippery."
So, when she gave them to him, she felt obliged to say, "You can look at them, but don't use them. They're too dangerous." (June 19, 1999)

Alan and Eliza were at CVS Drugs, shopping for presents for Hannah's birthday. Eliza looked at the vast selection and dozens of aisles, and said, "This is the world of CVS! Too many choices!" (October 21, 1999)

Eliza announced that she was ready for bed. Alan went to tuck her in, but she began to painstakingly adjust her blankets. Alan said, "You were supposed to be ready for bed, and now you're fixing your blankets. It's very irritating when you do that."
Eliza replied, "I know it's irritating, that's why I do it...OH, NO! Is that an Elizaism?"
Alan answered, "Yes, it is!"
Eliza cried, "Oh, no! You're gonna put it on the web! OH, NO, that's ANOTHER Elizaism!"

October, 1999: Hannah was doing her Science Homework, and was also very hungry as she worked. The question she was working on was to explain how snow is formed. Overcome with hunger, she wrote the following Freudian Slip response and actually handed it in without spotting the error: "Snow is formed when water vapor turns directly into a salad." (She meant to write "solid.")

March, 2000, after a Bat-Mitzvah:
Eliza (to Hannah): Happy Mistletoe!
Hannah: Mistletoe is what you hold over someone's head and then they have to kiss you.
Eliza: No!
Hannah: Yes, you can even ask Dad.
Eliza: Oh, whatever you call it, Happy Mazel Toe.

March 2000:
After watching much of Citizen Kane, Alan attempts to engage Eliza in a thoughtful discussion about the movie:
Alan: Eliza, what do you think of Mr. Kane? What kind of man is he?
Eliza: He has a cheesy face. And he can raise one eyebrow high and still keep the other one down.

August 2000:
The family climbed up the Arc De Triomphe, and explained a bit about its history to Eliza: "Napoleon ordered the building of the Arc De Triomphe to celebrate his victories," as it said in the guidebook.

10 days later, standing in line to go up the Eiffel Tower, Alan mentioned how the Eiffel Tower was built. Eliza said, "It was harder for Gustav Eiffel, since he had to design the Eiffel Tower all new. But it was easier for Napoleon. When Napolean ordered the Arc De Triomphe, did he order it out of a catalog?"

August 2000:
Eliza, talking to Grandma Dotty on the phone the day after returning from France:
Eliza: "We got suck-ons [candies] because there was a Pharmacy next door. Hannah and I were looking around and the girl was helping us. She kept talking to us, but Hannah and I couldn't understand a thing she was saying, because she was speaking French."
Dotty: "Did a lot of people speak French to you there?"
Eliza: "Yeah, it was really kind of annoying."

October 2000:
Eliza wanted to know what Hannah wanted for her upcoming birthday. So she said, "Hannah, what devices do you want for your birthday?".

Unknown Date: Eliza looks at a painting and asks, "Was that picture done by the same guy who did "Stanley in the Park with George" or whatever?"

February 15, 2001:
Eliza explains a charity drive thusly:
"We're collecting money to fight kids with leukemia"

June 18, 2001
I was on Instant Messenger with Eliza this morning. Here is an excerpt from our exchange:
Joshocom: What piece(s) did you play in the recital? 
Elizakeet: The piece I played is called Fagtango 
Elizakeet: Fantango 
Elizakeet: or whatever

July 13th, 2001
<Hannah keeps closing the door to her room>
Alan, to Eliza: "That's very common with teenagers; they like privacy."  
Eliza: "Why, does their uterus tell them to do that?"

July 29, 2001: Eliza's First Pun
Eliza:  Does your butt have muscles?
Alan: Yes, it's called the Gluteus Maximus.
Eliza: Yeah, it should be called the Booty-ous Maximus.

August 26, 2001
Alan and Ellen want Hannah to get some exercise today, so they restricted her computer use and her reading........
Ellen to Hannah: You can't use the computer today.
Hannah: Then what can I do??
Ellen: You could write letters.
Hannah: I can't do that without the computer!

September 30, 2001: A Hannahism
Hannah:  "Why do they call her Ellen the Generous?
(This was serious.  She had no idea Degeneres was her last name.)

May 26, 2002:
We were talking about where to go on vacation this summer, and were discussing the southwest USA.
Eliza: "Forget it, I'm not going anywhere there's a horrocious bug!"

November 11, 2002:
Hannah: "He wears a yarmulke to school every day."
Eliza: "Is he anorexic?"
(long pause)
Alan: "You mean orthodox?"
Eliza: "Yeah."

September 7th, 2003: A Hannahism
Alan: What do you want for lunch?
Hannah: I'll eat anything.
Alan: How about matzoh meal pancakes?
Hannah: No, I don't feel like having sugar.
Alan: How about Matzoh Brie?
Hannah: No, I don't want anything sweet.
Alan: But you don't have to have Matzoh Brie with sugar.
Hannah: But that's the way I like it.
Alan: How about scrambled eggs?
Hannah: No thanks.
Alan: But there's no sugar with scrambled eggs.
Hannah: Yes, but I associated scrambled eggs with breakfast, which I associate with sweet foods.




Last revised: March 25, 2003.
Click here for more